New Hope In The Lord
       International Ministries

Office Hours: M-F 9:30am-5:00pm
PO Box 418 Valhalla,
New York, USA 10595              Phone: (914) 948-4481

Homosexual Finds Jesus

Author's name withheld

I really don't know where to start but here it goes. I was brought up in the Lord with a mother that loved me so very much, and a father that loved me but didn't like me.

It is true-It happens sometimes. There is one of the mother or father that loves you, but really doesn't like you.

I grew up without the love of my father and growing up, I thought not much of it having my mother there loving me.

As I grew I looked for love in all the wrong places and it was all with men. I grew up hoping to find that love that I didn't get from my father. My father was a good provider and did go to church sometimes when I was young. He did get better as the years went by.

As I got older, we just didn't get along and I just didn't enjoy being around him. He just didn't like being around me. Well back to the story. Around 1980, my mother began forgetting things and was even getting lost when shopping. I knew what it was. It was what her mother died of and it was Alzheimer. I don't think I spelled it right, oh well.

As time went on, mother got worse and I found myself closer to her than ever, and my father didn't like me spending time putting her makeup on and making her feel nice.

One day he told me to stop doing that and that it was his job, so I did what he said and it hurt me very much.

Around 1990, even though I was brought up in the Lord, I was saved at the Westwood Church of God. I was just changed and excited about it. For months I walked in the Lord away from the gay lifestyle.

But there was one thing I did wrong and that was I still kept them (homosexuals) as friends. I thought at the time, that I was strong enough to control the flesh and I was wrong.

I remember the Holy Spirit telling me "what I was doing was wrong." It was like as if I was playing baseball every time I sinned. He would say you only have three strikes and then two and then one and finally none. I knew what He meant--it was AIDS.

At the time, I was running and taking care of myself and thought to make my mind at peace and take the Aids test. It was positive.

The Lord warned me three times and I didn't listen.

Well, I wanted to tell my sister because my father had so much in his hands with my mother, I just could not tell him. I called my sister from the hospital and I told her that I wanted to talk to her.

She knew because I had told her what I had done. Well we met that day, but she just didn't know how to handle it, so I was still all alone.

Weeks went by and I just couldn't keep it in me anymore. I had to tell someone and as I drove into the horse farm; I drove next to my father as he was cutting the grass, and stopped and started telling him how my sister was treating me and that she never calls or looks for me.

Then it came out; I told him and his head went down and he turned off the tractor and didn't say anything for what seemed forever. Then he looked at me and said that he would care for me and not to worry. That is what I needed at the time to hear. I thought the best thing was to put everything in his name: my car, my home, everything.

My mother died in the winter of 1996 and it was hard on all of us. I knew where she was, she was with the Lord and that was better than the state she was in for so many years.

My father took it hard, very hard and just was never the same. We became close for some months and I enjoyed that love he showed, but it didn't last. Something went wrong and dad got prostate cancer and they found it just in time. Dad was a really strong man and he never wanted people to help in anyway. After the operation, he really wasn't the same and I saw him grow older.

Well months passed and thank God, dad put all his life in the church. He came over to my house telling me that he was having trouble breathing and I told him that he needed to go to the hospital.

Even though he was hard on me, I always cared for him and looked out for him and I think he liked that. That night we had to take him to the hospital and the doctors told me and my sister that my father had over four heart attacks, and he was going to have to have surgery.

I saw him everyday and brought him whatever he wanted. Since I was not married I could spend more time with him. Well the surgery went well and he was to come home on a Sunday and that Sunday I didn't go to church because I was caring for some animals out of town.

I called him that day and asked him how he was doing and he said he was ready to go over to my sisters, when he got his strength. I remember the night before that I told him how much I loved him and that there was no one that loved him as much as I did.

Well back to Sunday. We talked and he was really happy to be leaving the hospital. I told him that my sister was going to pick him up after she got out of church and later in the day I would go and see him again. I told him how much I loved him and that was all. About 15 minutes after talking to him I got a call from my sister to come to the hospital. He died not long after talking to me.

As much as he was so hard and mean to me, I loved him with all my heart. I had to think fast, what do I do? I wasn't at my best of health and I had so much to do, and you know, now that I look back on it, God had everything in His hand. My sister just could not handle it. I had to take over everything but it wasn't me it ws God working in me. As weak as I was I had to find help with a lawyer and I didn't have the money to pay the mortgage. I really don't know how it worked out. One day I had a yard sale that took me weeks to get ready. Thanks for some friends from my father's church and some friends of mine. We put up the yard sale with a great turn out. Someone thought it would be a good idea to put a sign 'Home for sale', and the price.

We didn't even finish writing the sign and two ladies wanted the farm. One lady said she was running to the bank to get $5,000.00 down payment. I could not believe what the Lord was doing. It was happening like it was planned. Now that this was taken care of, it was me that the Lord had to help.

My house was on the farm. Where was I going to live? One day me and my sister went driving to trailer parks looking for something I could afford, but I didn't have any money. The second place, I felt that this was the place and the lady that owned it was willing to work with me. Well, I moved in and did work it out to give her $200.00 I didn't know how I got. A little from the yard sale and some from my sister.

Well to make a long story short, God fixed what I could not do. Now my life is all for the Lord and I'm happier than I've ever been. I would like to say to anyone that reads this; it is not your power that will make things happen, ONLY GOD'S POWER.

I pray day and night and read the Word. I found a church that is filled with the Holy Spirit and follows the Bible, word for word.

Wait on the Lord. He will never let you down. It might not be the time you thought, but He will never let you down. I can't look back on my sin and I will not!

In Jesus' name AMEN!
Source, Angel Share News Letter